Our #MeToo Words Matter

And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. (Colossians 3:17)

The dust from #MeToo seems to have settled for the moment. I imagine that it won’t be for long. Another scandal will inevitably emerge. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, observing conversations around me, and praying. So. Much. Praying. I’m woman and I have a daughter. This topic matters deeply to me. There are many soapboxes I could get on, but mostly I want to encourage us to guard our tongues and our typing fingers. We don't have to get swept up in a world that thrives on assumptions, half truths, and deeply divided partisan lines. In fact, that world is watching us and listening to us. Our daughters, mothers, friends, aunts, cousins, neighbors, and coworkers are listening and reading what we say. According to the CDC, 1 in 3 women in the US experience some form of sexual violence during their lifetime. 1 in 3. Let that sink in. At your office, 1 in 3. In your classroom, 1 in 3. At your gym, 1 in 3. In your church worship service, 1 in 3. In your small group, 1 in 3. At your family gatherings, 1 in 3.

This shocks me and yet it doesn’t shock me when I think about all the women I’ve known who have been brave enough to share their stories. I know I’m focusing on women, but I know men are not exempt from being victims of sexual abuse. According to the same CDC report, 1 in 6 men in the US experience some form of sexual violence during their lifetime. I think it’s safe to say you likely personally know someone who has experienced sexual assault or abuse whether you are aware of it or not. I also think it’s a safe to say they are listening to how we talk about this issue.

In the Bible, James has some wise and honest things to say about our tongue and the words that we use.

...the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring. (James 3:5-12)

Are your words bitter like water from a salty spring? Are your grand speeches setting the forest around you on fire? Do both praises to God and curses towards those made in His image pour from your lips? I know, it stings to think about. My own tongue has sparked more than one fire. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but our words matter (even the ones we type from behind a screen). And our words around the #MeToo movement, accusations of sexual assault, and sexual abuse say to those around us whether we are a salty spring, offering nothing different than the world, or a fresh spring pointing to the healing waters of Jesus.

How you speak about this can determine if your daughter tells you the boyfriend you think is a “good ole boy” forced her do things she didn’t want to do; if the Sunday school teacher carrying hurt from a life darkened from abuse ever speaks it into the light; whether your daughter calls you from college when pieces from the night before are coming together filling her with confusion, shame, and pain; if the child on the team you coach will open up to you about her “trusted and well-respected” family member that did things to her she didn’t understand; and whether your wife will confide in you about the heavy burden or abuse she’s carried in secret for years.

The people around you are listening. They’re reading your social media posts and comments. They’re taking it in and deciding what to do with their story. They’re tucking it away so that if something happens they know who might listen with care. This isn’t about pointing fingers at how the world holds these conversations. I'm not concerned about the “liberal agenda” or the “conservative agenda." The bottom line is we can either bless or curse with our tongues and our typing. There is plenty of anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk in the world.

I pray God will help us, help me, to take a different path. I pray we clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. (Colossians 3:8 & 12) We can wait patiently for the truth to come out without bashing or ruthlessly defending an accuser or the accused. Lengthy debates and politicizing can be left to the talking heads of the tv networks. We are secure and have peace in Jesus. We have no reason to respond rashly to the debates of the world. Do you really want to be the person who ranted insensitively about a woman’s pain who is found to be telling the truth or slander an accused who is exonerated?

Next time a story breaks, I think we would all do well to follow some other words from James, “be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry (James 1:19).” Let’s put on compassion and listen, speak graciously with a desire to understand, and put the breaks on angry rants and social media tirades. And above all, let’s put on love which binds everything together perfectly (Colossians 3:14).